Today I turn 36. It is a year without glamour, without any additional privileges by itself, and simply is.
My previous year on this planet, in this life, was an amazing one. I learned an incredible amount. I fucked up a lot. I succeeded. I started to allow me to be me. I was scared, happy, thrilled, excited, bored, tired, loved, loving, hated, disrespected, respected, admired, disgusted, disillusioned, befriended, comforted. All of that, and millions more things, billions.
And I want to share 36 things with you. These are things that I currently believe. I may not believe them next year, and probably didn't 2 or 5 or 10 years ago. I love lists. Indulge me.
- I am way too big to be defined by labels applied by myself or others.
- Being present in every moment is supremely important and incredibly challenging.
- Life is too fucking short to be in a job filled with fighting.
- I'm very privileged, and I want to use that privilege to truly help others.
- Often I say things before I truly feel them and believe them.
- I have to inspire myself, be my own hero, be my own best advocate - always.
- The past is fixed but the way we interact with it can be changed.
- Everything, everyone is always changing.
- Guilty pleasures are bullshit. Love what you love.
- No one is keeping score in any way.
- Exercise has been empowering and transformative in ways I could not have ever predicted.
- Every single person I encounter in a day, and every single person I do not encounter, is fully formed with her own dreams, wishes, beliefs, concerns, joys, suffering, and love.
- Self-awareness is power.
- The struggles of parenting are outweighed, significantly, by the inspiration and beauty of seeing my son live his life.
- Nearly everything I thought was important is not really that important.
- Not choosing something is actually choosing something; non-decision is a decision.
- All of the things I thought I couldn't do are things I actually can do.
- I care about aesthetics in myself, others, and objects.
- I now have a good sense of what makes a good boss and what does not make a good boss; I've worked for both and all types in between.
- I am an introvert but love talking with people.
- Dismissing ideas and people out of hand is foolish.
- Ask, ask, ask.
- Compassion rules.
- I am hard on myself, really hard.
- My body knows what's up.
- Gender is not binary.
- Thinking something is very different than feeling it, which in turn is very different than acting on it.
- There have been some people close to me all this time and I have caused them pain and hurt.
- Death only changes a relationship with a person; that relationship carries on.
- I can and should surprise myself more often.
- I can and should surprise others more often. It's fun.
- Some things pass and some things stay; this doesn't mean the things that are here will always be here.
- I drink a lot of water.
- Everything is going to be okay, and everything is okay.
- Death may come at any moment, and I will strive to always be ready for it.
- People are not machines.
May these 36 thoughts spread and bloom and fly away from me.