PersonalPaul McAleer

The Year That Was

PersonalPaul McAleer

The first two drafts of this post were obliterated by Safari. It's quietly informing me of this fact with a thin strip above where I'm writing. Its words are bleak and cold, as one would expect from a modern Apple product: “A problem occurred with this webpage so it was reloaded.”

The problem. The problem is that I meticulously itemized a lot of things about this year to share with you. I extolled the awesomeness that was my life in 2015 (and totally glossed over some of the more difficult stuff). I counted how many times I said “Good morning” on Twitter this year (349 times thus far). I noted where I spoke, that I moved, and that I did all of these great things. And I was going to share that with you.

Instead, we're here in this very different moment (well, you know, you're in a different one... but, temporal mechanics are what they are) and instead I want to make my message a little simpler. Easier.

This year was very hard. This year was also loaded with rewards. I had moments of much anger, grief, and loss. I danced spontaneously. I loved and was loved. I was admired by some and forgotten by others. I mentored people. I led people. I let other people lead. I faced some of my deepest fears and cried a lot. I worked on my shit. I let people down. I let myself down. I put myself on a pedestal. I looked cute sometimes. I bought many things, many of which have little to no value. I sold a lot of things. I gave a lot of things away. I clutched to old beliefs and questioned others. I successfully avoided Folgers. I drank with friends and co-workers. I shared joys and sorrows. I was excited. I was horrified. I protested. I boosted. I celebrated. I spoke and listened to many, many people. I worked on my identity. I was more me than ever, and I still felt like I had a long ways to go.

And I hope it was enough for this year. I hope it helped.

I hope to do better next year.