It Might Hurt a Bit

On the past couple of episodes of Designing Yourself, Whitney and I have discussed some great stuff - how we handle stress, and how we recharge ourselves. The great thing about these discussions is that they've provided context and perspective for the work I've been doing on myself over the past few years.

Let me be direct: I have spent a lot of time being "busy" in an effort to avoid dealing with feelings, identity, relationships, and a shitload of other things. Collectively I feel like we have made the notion of being busy too simple to attain and boy, there is a part of me that feeds on that. I can always catch up on Twitter, watch a complete series of a TV show, and plug away at that never ending to do list. But what does that all mean? What does it get me? When does the well-organized person organize in some downtime?

Now, downtime is something I define differently than you do. Sometimes downtime includes zoning out reading blogs or shopping for clothes. Sometimes it means lots of activity with my family, and sometimes it means being very alone. Often, it's an independent thing though - breathing, slowing down, and being observant of the world instead of my busy-ness.

Without downtime and work on the self, I experience profound avoidance. Gang, it's hard to work on emotions and relationships and intentions. It is extremely emotional. I have had lifelong assumptions about myself challenged, and moving from a place of observation to action can be downright terrifying. But it is also profoundly freeing. It is both. And that's where, historically, I have walked away from the challenge.

I've walked away because it's beyond logic and beyond my brain, which has been a driving force for a significant part of my life. I've walked away because I don't know how to do it. No one told me how to best manage this stuff, or not manage it, and just... be with it. Be with myself, be me in those moments. There's no manual. And even then, it delves into the very definitions and notions of who I am. Not trivial, ultra challenging, huge stuff.

I've put some ideas around this. and will be sharing these tools at WebVisions. It may be great for you, or it may not, but it's working for me. I sincerely hope that you can find something that works for you, no matter who you are, in what I share.

Because what I've discovered, nearly by accident, is that my imperfect and wonderful brain can only take me up to a precipice of fear. It's a combination of all my parts, and my support system, that can truly push me through it.

Onward.

Four fabulous episodes of Designing Yourself

Just a couple of weeks ago Whitney Hess and I recorded the fourth episode of Designing Yourself. I can't quite believe that we're about to record our fifth hour of discussion - it's been an amazing run so far! I spoke a little about how the whole thing came to be, as did Whitney, but I'd like to talk about the episodes themselves and what they mean to me.

Because both of us love podcasts, we wanted to make episodes that were like listening in on two friends having a really good conversation. We set a topic beforehand, but as listeners will attest, we're quite willing to explore other related topics within an episode. 

Everything started with episode 1, The Hamster Wheel.  We spoke about how something gets started and if it's a conscious choice or not. Then we got into a favorite topic of mine: separation of the self. We talked about how we've split our online writing across a number of different places, and how we both feel about that.

Too Much Future , our 2nd episode, is all about fear. Before the whole series began, this was the topic I was most excited to talk about with Whitney. I was surprised when she said she loved fear (and still kind of am!) but came to a place of understanding. We talked a lot about being scared and what that means, and how just being  in the future doesn't really do much in the now. Fun stuff.

Episode 3, Getting to Know You, is about self-awareness. Anytime I get to talk about mirror work, I'm happy. So we did! We also discussed emotional intelligence, Synecdoche New York , and how our bodies affect the way we feel. All of it came together into a lovely chat about unifying mind, body, and spirit.

We walked into Good Enough, episode 4, with the topic of balance in mind, but neither of us had a really solid idea of where it would go! The discussion was great: we talked about the way that both of us want things to be black and white but, in reality, everything is in that grey area. We discussed to do lists and how those can run our lives, along with how we can make peace with not being balanced... which in and of itself, is balance. 

I'm very proud to be creating this with Whitney, and could not ask for a better co-host. Her work and career has been inspirational to me and having the opportunity to share these things with her is an honor.

If you haven't listened to the show, give it a try. Let either one of us know what you think. 

And thank you, all of you, for being a part of this journey. 

On Designing Yourself

This past Tuesday, Whitney and I shared episode 3 of Designing Yourself - Getting to Know You.  It's all about self-awareness.

These are challenging conversations, but they are also important ones. We are friends sharing these life experiences with each other and talking about how these things fit together, or don't. Whitney wrote a great post about some of the background of the show and how she came to it. I wanted to share my thoughts too.

At this point in my life, I am going through personal change and growth at a significant level. I've been working with the people closest to me - my family, my friends - to better have my life reflect who I truly am. I didn't quite have a sense of who I truly was. I am still not complete, nor perfect, and I will never be. But, I have gained a fair deal of emotional insight into how I operate as a person and as a human in this world. 

Until relatively recently, I was not compassionate with myself. You hear some of this in our episodes - I am hard on me. We are all our own worst critics.  But, I recognize this; awareness is that first step.

Like many of you, I trust, I began to read Whitney's stuff on the web and watch her presentations, and was just impressed as hell. I mean, really. Then I met her at IA Summit. Beyond the amazing conversation we had, I later thought, "Holy crap, it would be cool if I could work with Whitney Hess on something. She's someone in the UX world I admire and see as a leader, and... wow, that would be great."

The conversation continued after IA Summit, focusing on getting to know each other. The topic of working together came up. Originally, it was in the context of public speaking... but that fell away and podcasts emerged, since we had both wanted to do a podcast for quite some time (as it turned out!) 

And Designing Yourself is the result of that. We work hard on this podcast, through the schedules and responsibilities we have to our families and our lives. We are learning along the way, and we're getting better. To me, it's an opportunity to talk with a new friend, someone I greatly respect, about the things that matter to us as humans. Exciting stuff!

I would love it if you listened to one of the episodes and gave feedback. Follow the show on Twitter. And if you find something valuable, special, or exciting about our show... thank you.

Introducing Designing Yourself

I've been wanting to do a podcast for a long time.

I toyed around with topics and formats, but things really came together when I met Whitney Hess at IA Summit earlier this year. After our meeting, I knew I wanted to work with her. An email led to a couple of great phone conversations; she shared what was happening in her life and I in mine. We pitched a few ideas back and forth for something to collaborate on but we came back to podcasts. We love podcasts.

So we made one.  And today, we're sharing it with you.

It's called Designing Yourself and the first episode is called The Hamster Wheel is Life.

We hope you like it.